Mummy’s Gone A….Walk

I’ve not been on a bike for almost three weeks. This isn’t like me. I have however, been out for a walk – just for the sake of it – for the past three days. Turns out I had forgotten all the benefits of walking. I’m thinking that I need to make a habit of it.

Why No Cycling?

There are a couple of reasons why I’ve not been on a bike for so long.

Firstly – lockdown. In my household we take lockdown very seriously. When we’re told to stay home we go nowhere unless we really need to. We are very fortunate in having a lovely garden and a wonderful little hillside right beside our house, so we are pretty happy staying home. With the schools shut, our school run by bike is out too.

Secondly – Covid. Much to the amazement of us, our family friends and neighbours, my husband and I tested positive for Covid-19. This was a surprise because we are so cautious in our efforts to not catch it (we are the kind of people who took their kids out of school before the schools closed, and who spent much of last year disinfecting groceries). It was also a surprise because we didn’t really have the symptoms of Covid. No loss of smell or taste. No temperature. No persistent cough, even though we were both coughing ‘just a bit’. I went for a test because I was freaked out by a friend testing positive and I wanted to set my mind at ease. My husband went for a test because mine came back positive and he had the exact same symptoms.

Reasons To Be Grateful

The past year has definitely been one for counting blessings where you find them.

In a weird way, it was a relief to catch Covid. It’s definitely not something I would choose, and if I had a time machine I would probably take the children out of school even earlier and disinfect more stuff to try to avoid it. Perhaps what I mean is that, it was a relief to catch Covid…and find that I was one of the lucky ones who did not get seriously ill with it.

For the past year I have been pretty sure that I would be OK if I did catch it. I am in my 40s, which may not be as young as I would like to be, but it’s not that old either. I have no underlying health issues and I am generally fit and healthy. Go me. But then there are all those cases you hear about where young, healthy, fit people find themselves seriously ill in hospital with Covid. It seems that it can be hard to predict who might be badly affected. I am very grateful to find that for me (at least this time around), Covid was mostly extreme tiredness and a headache.

But it wasn’t just the immediate risks from Covid which terrified me. The potential for ‘long-Covid’ really scared – and still scares – me – and still scares me now. Physical activity has taken different forms for me over the years. I’m not a big fan of sitting still. Whether it be hill-walking, running or cycling, being active is important to me. Being fit is part of who I am. The thought of being unable to be physically active for an unknown amount of time terrifies me. Cycling is such an important part of my life, whether that be for transport or for training, that I am not sure who I would be without it.

Reasons To Be Cautious

So, I have survived Covid-19. Again, go me. I won’t say it didn’t have it’s moments – two adults suffering from Covid, one attempting to work and the other attempting to home school two children, was never going to be a walk in the park. However, our symptoms were mild and have largely passed now, almost three weeks later.

But, I’m not quite ready to trust my own body yet, and I am remaining cautious. Like I said, long-Covid terrifies me and I think it’s still too soon to assume I won’t have any longer term issues. I am finding that I get out of breath way faster than I did a month ago, and some days I feel just a bit wheezy. Some days I still wake up feeling just a bit hungover…despite drinking no alcohol the day before.

My view is that – much as I was hoping to train and race in 2021 – I don’t have to. I also have a suspicion that 2021 is going to be another full year of restrictions and cancellations (sorry – hopefully I’m wrong!). I worry that pushing myself now may have consequences in the months and years to come, and I would rather take it easy for as long as it takes to feel properly OK than do myself an avoidable damage.

A Word Of Warning…Based On No Science Whatsoever

I mentioned that I didn’t really have the symptoms associated with Covid, despite having Covid. I started following a training plan towards the end of 2020, mainly training on the turbo. On the Monday I did a session on the turbo. It was a rest week so it was just leg speed and nothing too taxing. At the time I had a bit of a sniffle and a minor cough but wasn’t thinking too much of it. On the Tuesday I definitely had a cough, but it wasn’t ‘persistent’ and, while I considered getting a Covid test, I decided I was being neurotic. By the Thursday I decided I really should get a test for my own piece of mind if nothing else. On the Friday I got the text saying I was positive for Covid-19.

While I wouldn’t say I have had many issues with my lungs and breathing through this, I have had a few. My husband has had no issues at all with his lungs. I can’t help wondering if that turbo session – and I must have actually had Covid at that point – was really not very good for me.

There may be no link whatsoever, but if you are training and pushing yourself at the moment, my advice would be to listen very carefully to your body and if in doubt, stop.

Mummy’s Gone A Walk

So, riding my bike is out for the time being.

The trouble is, I’m still not all that good at sitting still. After illness and quarantine I was sick of resting, and much as I love my house and garden, I was feeling just a little hemmed in. A week and a half into home learning, I was also in serious need of some alone time. There was only one thing for it…I was going to have to go for a walk.

It’s not that I don’t like walking, I do. I would far rather walk than drive short journeys. One of my favourite ways to spend a day is walking around the Botanic Gardens with the kids.

But somehow, that kind of walking is different. It’s purposeful. It’s about getting somewhere, or about going to a place which you walk around. Sometimes – quite often – it’s about wearing the kids out for the sake of peace when we get home.

Going for a walk, by myself, with nowhere in particular to get to seemed somehow a bit frivolous and kind of purposeless.

I decided to walk each day, and for three days completely failed to do so. There was the laundry to do, the kids to (sort of) teach, the lunch to make, the dinner to make, the crumbs to sweep, and the disputes to field. Not to mention the writing projects that I really needed to be getting on with.

The other thing which made me slightly less enthusiastic about walking than I would have liked was…it’s just so slow! When you’re used to cycling – even at the speed of a cargo bike carrying two children – walking anywhere takes ages. When I cycle the kids to school, it takes 15 minutes. The same route on foot takes nearer 40 minutes.

Day four and a minor miracle happened. Both children’s school work was finished by 3pm and they were playing happily together…I had time to go for a walk. The great joy of having a husband whose place of work is now the sofa, is that I can go out on my own and leave him with the kids. I mumbled a very quiet invitation for either of my children to come with me, assumed that completely ignoring me meant, ‘No thanks, Mum. Have a lovely time.’ donned my wellies and headed out.

Another reason why I am very grateful to live where I live, is the fields and woodlands just five minutes walk from my house. That is where I headed.

A Revelation

I did have a lovely time. I was only out for about 40 minutes and I could almost see my house for most of the walk. It was slow – really slow. But within ten minutes of leaving, I was determined that I was going to get out and walk every day.

That first walk was a revelation on so many levels.

Slow Is Good

Just like the majority of the population, I spend a lot of time rushing. Just a couple of years ago I was looking after one child who went to school and another who was in nursery for half days, plus running a coaching business, working two casual contract jobs, creating teaching resources, leading free Breeze bike rides for women, writing a novel and a blog, writing a school travel plan and running a bike bus to school, and training to race my bike. Looking back, that was clearly too much.

I had already slowed down somewhat since then. Partly because I was losing the plot on an increasingly regular basis, and partly because it was becoming clear that my daughter was going to need a bit more support.

With a pandemic upon us, I slowed down in a different way. I was furloughed from some work, my coaching business could not operate and Breeze rides were suspended. But I had the two kids at home all the time. I did not take the opportunity to learn a new skill, language or instrument as some were encouraging, but I did take stock and decided what I was going to focus on and what needed to be jettisoned from my life.

As I walked I realised that I hadn’t really even begun to slow down. I looked around me and fully took in my surroundings. I listened to the frozen snow crunching under my wellies. I smiled and said hello to the people I passed. I saw what looked like little burrows in the grass and wondered if it was from mice or a dog’s nose. It took me a while to realise that I was fully present in the moment and the place as I walked.

Time To Think

In a house where everyone is always there, it can be hard to think. The noise (I have an eight year old boy, enough said), the chores needing done, the constant fight against the tide of toys which spreads through every room and across every surface, it all mounts up. I love my family. I really do. I know that lockdown life would be so much harder if I lived alone. But sometimes, I really just need to be alone. Time when I can actually think a thought through without the interruptions of unreasonable requests for snacks, or for a toy which hasn’t been seen since the child who urgently requires it was two years old.

I always thought of my cycling time as time to think. Many of my blog posts are written first in my head whilst cycling. But sometimes, my thoughts are dominated by other things when I’m on the bike. If I am cycling with my son then I am hyper-vigilant about traffic. If I am on my way somewhere then I am often thinking about where I need to be when. If I am on a training ride then I am often thinking about heart-rate and power zones.

The very sad thing is that, as someone who mainly cycles on roads, I spend a lot of my cycling time thinking about the other road users I come across. Quite often, these are angry or negative thoughts.

As I walked, I thought about whatever drifted into my head. Mostly I thought about how much I was enjoying walking and why I had been so foolish as to not do this sooner.

(Re-)Connecting With Nature

I deliberately headed out to somewhere with grass and mud and trees. I have been reading, ‘The Overstory’ by Richard Powers – if you haven’t read it, do so – it’s brilliant. It’s the kind of novel which makes me despair as a writer because I don’t think I could ever write like that. The book is focussed on trees and nature, and that made me want to walk somewhere with nature.

There have been studies which show the benefits of time spend in nature. ‘Last Child In The Woods’ is a brilliant and terrifying book abut how it is vital that children spend time in nature. I didn’t see anything unusual, or rare, or astounding on that walk, but I saw trees and fields and a flock of yellow hammers (I think), and I felt better for seeing them.

A Different Approach To Physical Activity

When I was a child, I rode a bike because it felt good. It still does, but that’s not the only reason why I cycle. A major focus for me when I cycle for recreation (as opposed to cycling for transport) is fitness. Getting faster, going further, becoming stronger. While this isn’t a bad thing, it can become more about suffering for the greater good of fitness, rather than the simple pleasure of movement.

For some, walking is going to get them fitter than where they are right now – and that is great.

For me, it worries me that I am losing fitness all the time right now because I am not cycling. I have to remind myself of the reasons for staying off the bike and not pushing myself physically for a while. There is a part of me that wants to set a goal of a minimum distance to walk or to beat the number of steps my Garmin sets for me each day.

But on that first walk I realised that this wasn’t about goals and training, and to set goals like that would be to detract from what I get out of it.

My children rarely stay still. They move all the time, because they know that movement feels good. They jump on the trampoline because jumping feels amazing, not because 20 minutes on the trampoline will burn calories or make them fitter. It’s high time I took a lesson from them.

Mental Health

All of these little revelations together add up to one big revelation. Going for a walk made me feel good. I got home feeling positive, and energised, and happy, and ready to cope with the million tiny irritations of bedtime with two small children.

A Remembering

The thing is, these revelations weren’t really revelations to me. I already knew all of this.

We all know that physical activity, a connectedness with nature, slowing down and getting some space to think are good for us. We know it because experts have been telling us this for years.

Yet, for me it was more personal than that. I have always been an outdoors kind of person. I spent much of my childhood outdoors with my family. In the 1970s and 1980s we all did. After all, there were only three channels on the TV, someone always managed to tape over that thing you wanted to watch (if you’re younger – Google VHS). Phones were attached to walls and only made calls. You went out or you stared at the walls.

But even as I got older and technology changed, I remained at my happiest outdoors. I went to University and got into Conservation work with the local Wildlife Trusts. I spend many of my holidays planting trees in the Highlands of Scotland. I became a Countryside Ranger and developed an impressive collection of boots and waterproofs. I learned more about birds and insects and ecosystems. I got into climbing munros and joined the Mountain Rescue.

I used to know all of this on a very personal level, because walking in nature was what I did every day.

When I became a primary school teacher I was known for being that teacher whose class was often outside. If we were in then the windows were open so at least we could feel the fresh air.

I’m not entirely sure what changed. I want to put it down to moving to a city but I’m not sure that’s entirely it. I had children and that was when I started to disconnect from all this. I tell my children that it’s important to walk, and to be active. I tell them that time in nature is essential. But I haven’t entirely been practising what I preach.

A Commitment

So here’s the plan. The commitment I want to make to myself. I am going to go for a walk every day. It can be alone or with company, it can be long or short, but every day. Not a walk to the shops, or the post office, or the chemist, but a walk for its own sake. On every walk I am going to try to take a photo of something beautiful, because this reminds me to be where I am, and also gives me a record of what I gain from walking.

I’m also going to get a copy of Peter Walker’s new book, ‘The Miracle Pill’ for inspiration because ‘Bike Nation’ was brilliant, and because I’m always up for an excuse to buy more books.

It’s been three days with a walk every day. It’s a start!

Daily Walks Photo Gallery